Walking Out of the Darkness

photo by Léo Azambuja

photo by Léo Azambuja

By Léo Azambuja
Even in the heart of the most violent storm, when nothing goes your way and you feel alone, lost in the darkness and searching for meaning in life, there are many people out there willing to light the way and walk with you until things get better.
“I want people to know they are not alone. I want people to know where they can go if they need help. I want people to know that it is okay to not be okay, and that there are people who love them, even if it feels like in the moment, they don’t feel that, and if you reach out for help, someone will be there,” Uʻilani Kiaha said at the Out of the Darkness Walk at Kaunakakai Wharf Sept. 20.
Several dozen people whose lives were touched by suicide in any way, whether directly or indirectly, participated in the event held each year in more than 400 communities across the country to raise awareness for suicide prevention.
As the island’s representative for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Kiaha helped to coordinate Molokai’s Out of the Darkness Walk along with other volunteers. She said it was an “unofficial” walk because it did not raise funds; it was to highlight resources, and bring awareness, prevention and light for those struggling.
Anne “Aloha” Steinke, who helped to coordinate the event, was distributing “honor bead” necklaces of different colors, each one representing a different way someone was affected by suicide.
“It is a way to share our experience without saying a word,” Steinke said.
White beads represented the loss of a child, red for losing a partner, gold for a parent, orange for a sibling, purple for a relative or friend, silver for a first responder or military. Green was for going through a personal struggle or an attempt. Teal was for supporting those struggling, rainbow was to honor the LGBTQ community, and blue was for supporting prevention.
Steinke said the event was important because “here on Molokai, we have one of the highest rates of suicide in Hawaii. We have limited mental health care, services are challenging to get into. We have the challenge of travel for service, and a lot of our care providers are outsiders.”
Several organizations were there for outreach and support, including Sources of Strength, the Lili‘uokalani Trust and many others.
“Each booth has something in connection to hope and healing, and messages that inspire people to take care of each other and take care of themselves,” Kiaha said.
Jera Pali, services manager at Liliʻuokalani Trust, said the private foundation established in 1909 provides services to Native Hawaiian children, including one-on-one counseling and different workshops such as family strengthening and enrichment.
“Here at this event, we want to support the community, especially in this time when suicide awareness is important,” Pali said.
Middle and high school students from the Hawaiian immersion program performed a song for the opening ceremonies.
Following that, many people shared their personal stories during a “bead ceremony,” which Kiaha said served as a remembrance of the way mental illness and suicide have affected each one and their loved ones. Speakers raised their beads, sharing their contribution to the cause or how they overcame grief and found help.
“The rainbow bead symbolizes support for the LGBTQ-plus community, so please raise your beads if you wear a rainbow bead to honor them,” the Reverend Pua Kanealii said, adding she knew many who have died by suicide while feeling isolated and neglected by their own families who refuse to accept them for who they were.
As a pastor, Kanealii said she wore the rainbow beads to dedicate her life to guiding others in a love that is so radical that there is no room to disown or push any person into isolation or away from community.
“I wear these beads for those who have passed, but also for those who are still with us,” Kanealii said.
Molokai High School students services coordinator Laura Peterson asked those wearing blue beads symbolizing suicide prevention to raise them.
“There is a deep feeling of loss when I find out that a former student has died by suicide,” Peterson said. “My hope is that all students in every school know that they are loved … that all students feel supported by their school staff and know that there are resources available to them. They are not alone.”
Kiaha was also one of many who share personal struggles, each one raising their colored beads according to their own stories.
Raising blue and teal beads, Kiaha talked about struggles with her own family members. Shedding tears, she said despite they are still struggling, she is glad they chose to seek help, spiritually and with therapeutic support.
“As a provider in and out of school for behavioral and mental health supports, I serve and support those who express thoughts of self-harm or suicide,” Kiaha said. “Because I want those who struggle to know it is okay to not be okay, and it is courageous to ask for help and seek help, I’m here for those who struggle with thoughts of suicide, self-harm, actions and attempts. When in doubt, reach out.”
In the words of MEO youth coordinator Zantha-Angelica “Mela” Tancayo, “it is never too late to call 988 or text 988 if you prefer,” Kiaha added.
After the bead ceremony, everyone walked the entire Wharf holding signs of support, hope, strenght, courage and positive thoughts. The event came to a closing at sunset, with participants blowing soap bubbles and throwing flowers into the ocean, followed by a pule, or prayer.
If you or someone you know might be experiencing suicidal thoughts, call or share the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention suggests steps that can help, including looking for behavioral changes and mood swings; asking someone who may be struggling if they have suicidal thoughts; and connecting those struggling with resources.
Visit www.afsp.org for additional information.