Growing Old Consciously

To be aware of my own aging process is quite an interesting experience. It happens to everyone, whether we want it to or not. At first glimpse, I tried to ignore it. Then I tried to fight it, but that’s like fighting against gravity mid-fall. 

I’ve learned to see my play of emotions in a different way. I’m on a natural honorable journey here on Molokai. The ego tells me to do the things I used to do as a young person. But I can’t, at least those things have become less satisfactory. So why take that route? Why keep myself in the mind frame of “I can’t?”

As I watch my ego and my heart battle this out, I realize I now have the opportunity to feel and do exactly as I want to. This is my time. So, I gradually relax into it. 

I can’t recall worldly information as quickly as I used to. I’ve noticed that others look at me and look away quickly like they are thinking I have “old-timers.” Well, I do, but it’s not a disease it is a conscious choice. I call it “cancel out” because I now get to cancel out all the worrisome nonsense that runs the world affairs. 

Here on Molokai, I allow myself to be in the silence more often. I now have a sign outside my front door that says “if my door is closed, I am not available. Please come back another time.” I honor that choice and I expect others to do the same. 

What I notice most is how others turn away when they see that I am in decline. Being aware of being in decline is an honorable phase of life that everyone passes through. You may be very healthy and active, but you will still go through decline before you go. Honor that time. Don’t shun it! If you look closely you just might see the peace that passes understanding that is gradually filling me. 

Don’t worry. Be happy.

Carolyn Havens